Drunkard Ramblings

Argh! Its my birthday on Sunday. I am drunk now. I feel a bit 'under the weather'. Uh-oh. I hate birthdays. I'm going to be 23 but I feel at least four years younger than that in my head. It's getting less and less acceptable to be as immature and goon-ish as I clearly am. Dagnamit.

Still I guess it's time to make a list of things to do in the coming year:

• Stop using the word 'coolio' when texting and talking to people on MSN
• Snog the drummer from the Arctic Monkeys. If only because he does this cute little wink to camera in the 'I bet you look good on the dancefloor' video.
• Make fun of people's dumbass trendy haircuts to their faces. Not just behind their backs. Otherwise its just mean.
• Finish writing my sitcom. Rock.
• Do kareoke. Possibly something by the ledge that is Dolly Parton.
• Go back to Berlin and attend a party by a cutting edge artist and have the thought at some point 'I wish I was in Portsmouth. It's boring here'
• Have a guy (or girl) tell me what a fabulous dancer I am
  

You'll have to check back here in one year to see if I've achieved all (or any) of these resolutions.

Here is the best present I have received so far... A new tattoo. Awesome:

My friend The General

The General is a legend. He lives by his own rules. He don't take no shit from no one. And even if he does (take shit from someone) then he will make sure they get a sound verbal bashing when they are out of earshot. The General brews tea for FOUR MINUTES NO MORE NO LESS and expects you to do the same or there will be hell to pay. The General is hairy. The General is uber sark-ey and can be quite humourous on occasion. The General tried to mute me with a tv remote on more than one occasion EVEN THO HE IS JUST AS ANNOYING AS ME. Well nearly. The General moved to Oz. Sazz misses him. Sob.

Is that alright for ya?!

I did mention you but it was when you were living with us n that was like a year ago now. You're coming back for my birthday though right?? RIGHT?!?! Because you promised you would. I will be very upset if you don't turn up. It's only in a week. AND we can FINALLY go on our date. Awesome.

Anyhoo...

To the rest of the world (By which I mean Nic). Hello! I don't think I will be getting a tattoo... Not Fonzy nor Jonathan Ross. Maybe John Nettles tho... hmmm...

I want to chase a cat for 20 minutes. I might buy myself a cat. Just so I have one to chase. That's going on the to-do list.

Dempsey and Makepeace are OUT

Tatt looks good don't it?

What do mean?? OF COURSE it's real!!!one!!!!!eleven!!!1!

Jonny Wow

I started a creative writing course yesterday. I had been really looking forward to it but all of a sudden I can't actually write a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. It's taken me a good 10 minutes to cobble together the last two sentences, it's like I've suddenly got stage fright - except in this instance I guess it would be page fright. I hope when my dressmaking course starts next monday I don't get scared of wearing clothes. I think the police (and society in general) would probably have something to say about it. And not of all of it good.

My 'assignment' for next week's class is to fill up a side of A4 about anything we want. So far I've written three sentences about Mcfly's haircuts and then drew a picture of a dog with an afro and sunglasses. I'm fairly sure this isn't quite what the lecturer had in mind. I may well have to start again.

I've not been doing a very good job with the whole 'making it be autumn' hobby either. I can only seem to manage a cold morning or a drizzly afternoon here and there. This is another past time that is a lot harder than I thought. Although I do seem to have conjoured up a gazillion spiders.. I convieniently forgot about the downsides to the cooler weather.

Oh, I nearly forgot! I've been told I have to get a tattoo... I'm thinking one that says 'Dempsey and Makepeace'. That'd be a Fonzy level of cool.

Winslow's invitation is in the mail

I've *actually* been busy at work!! Busy at work DOING WORK!!! I know, I was as surprised as anyone but thats why I haven't been able to regale the world with my tales of goon-dom for the past few days.

I'm also starting to get concerned that people actually read this. I've had a couple of real-life people that I know in my real life tell me that they've read this now and their tone was only slightly mocking when they mentioned it. Which is fine except... people ACTUALLY READ THIS. PEOPLE THAT I KNOW! So... I'm starting to feel slightly self-conscious about the whole enterprise of blogging.

I guess anyone that knows me - if only in passing - knows that I'm a bit of a idiot. It's all part of my quirky charm.

Well, I think I've been drunk most of today. It was 'The Brother's' birthday yesterday and Sazz might have gone a little overboard where the vino rouge was concerned...

I'm fairly sure that a hangover is hitting me only now, although for the major part of the day I've felt like I'm leaning ever so slightly to the left, almost to the point of toppling over. Even when I'm sat down. It's disconcerting to say the least.

I don't think I'm a drunkard and yet life keeps giving clues that would indicate otherwise.

Badte Macu

I genuinely hadn't realised that I had started mentioning you in every post Nic. Definately won't be doing that today, people might start to feel excluded. Oh.. wait, d'oh! Never mind, like you say we're the only ones that regularly occupy this area of the superhighway-intraweb. I don't think it'll matter too much.

Like the rest of the world I went to see an Elvis 'Tribute Act' last night. I'm not sure what The King would have thought but there were two costume changes, ending with a fabulous white jumpsuit, so it was a-ok by my standards.

At said tribute night my mate mentioned that she had asked the dream-iverse who she was going to marry before going to sleep the night before and dreamt about the legend that is Steve Guttenberg. As long as Tom Selleck, the cool noises guy and the weird squeechy(ITS A WORD)-voice man from Police Academy are at the wedding then it gets my blessing. Ahh... Police Academy, does earth boast a finer series of comedy films? I seriously think not. Anyway, I tried the same technique last night and dreamt that my dogs scared away some panthers (because panthers are a type of cat and dogs frighten cats you see). Not quite sure what this means but it was pretty cool.

Hmm..what gripes can I entertain the world with today? (*cough* yes the world definately reads this *cough cough*)

• Caffine addiction reaching new levels day-by-day (may have something to do with what at first sight was one of my genius work skiving plans). However, my hair has never looked better. I believe these two variables may be linked somehow.
• Hair looking good of course 'cept the white hairs that are getting more and more frequent. I'm going to start looking like Steve Martin soon. If that leads to movie making with Queen Latifa then bring it on.
• Getting a bit worried about my birthday that's coming up. Not only do I ALWAYS have a crapola birthday but I feel like I should make some attempt to be more mature with each passing year and yet I still end up buying Japanese cartoon stationary for work and screeching with joy whenever 5ive songs are played in the pub. I may have to accept that 'classiness' is a personality trait that will always allude me.
• Sad that my brother is moving to Manchester. Who is going to make Vin Diesel knock-knock jokes with me now? AND I'm going to have to start making my own dinner again! I will genuinely miss the hairy scamp.

Quiffs at the ready

So, my hobby lately has been trying to use up all the end bits left in old toiletries. You know what its like, you're getting to the end of a bottle of and so you go and buy something new and exciting because said new toiletry promises to turn you into a cross between Liv Tyler and Lindsey Lohan and smell all mango&papaya-ey and the old toiletry only promises to make you look Liv Tyler-ish and smell just of boring ol' mango (for instance).

So, anyway, you're so excited that you start on the new stuff WITHOUT USING UP THE OLD STUFF FIRST. Before long, this leads you to acquire an impressive collection of half used toiletries.This could be due, in part, to a flighty disposition within the user.

So far I have used up the odds and ends of:

• 2 x different moisturisers
• 4 x types of shampoo
• 3 x Conditioners from different brands
• 1 x Body Scrub
• 2 x Lime Shower Gels

Not bad going huh? It says something for the excitement levels in my life presently that when I get to the end of these various lotions and potions, and can legitimately throw them away, I get an emormous sense of well being.

This morning I listened to Moylsie as Nic had commented that he was surprised to find that Radio 1 even existed anymore. Suffice to say I will be sticking with the Wogan on for the time being. Chris Moyles makes me angry and, much like Bruce Banner, you won't like me when I'm angry.

What else, what else can I ramble on about to make you all jealous with my fun-filled rollercoaster ride of a life? Oh... I still haven't taken up knitting and I still havent made it be autumn. Watch this space.

Why did we have to meet on the night I lost my head?

I have a work nemesis. I enjoy having a new nemesis as much as I enjoy a new crush but as he is a work nemesis I cannot take my usual course of action which involves many rigorous bitching sessions behind his back and throwing 'evils' whenever said nemesis is in my vicinity as I have to rely on him to be on my good side. Having the power to turn him into a goat would come in useful right about now, unfortunately as I dont posess Sabrina-type-magicks that probably won't be happening. Any other bright ideas?

I have also managed to bash my shoulder up good and proper after a drunken rampage through The 'Ford on Friday. I'm quite surprised I wasn't left concused as I attempted to open a door but my head and shoulder mysteriously got in the way. It was a big enough bosh to knock my glasses off. I thought things like that only happened in cartoons?

Things on my checklist for this week:

• Learn how to knit
• Make it be autumn

Oh and I was as surprised as you Nic to have 2 (well technically THREE now) comments for a post! Chances of that happening again? Slim to none.