Welcome to the dollhouse

I've come round to the idea of freshers again. I think we can blame my little diatribe tother day on hormones (we can also maybe perhaps attribute today's entry on hormones too as you will see...). Walking home from my first lecture today I fell in love with at least 17 different individuals. Not that I, you know, fall in love really easily or am fickle or anything. God no. Although I am starting to suspect that I am easily pleased whee the mens are concerned after going to a club with my housemate Marianna the other day.

Me: How many men took your fancy?

Marianna: 2. You?

Me: Um.. 8.

I've found myself being in an unnaturally good mood recently. I'm pretty sure it's just because the light in this house is really bad so when I look in the mirror I'm approx. 27% more attractive than in real life.

I decorated my pink converse in red permanant marker today. Is this the first step on the slippery road to emos-ville?

Freshers a-go-go

Firstly, I have to admit that I am very attracted to Steve Carell's character in Little Miss Sunshine. He's suicidely depressed and gay. I think that says more about who I am than any questionnaire ever will. Even one that asks about your Oreo consumption.

It's fresher's week. They are everywhere. All clutching dog eared maps (how do maps always get so mangled after only holding them for five minutes. Maybe it's just the ones that I am given to 'look after' as I end up picking my teeth and/or nails with the corners and not folding them properly and managing to drop any food or liquid that happens to come within a 2 metre radius onto them. Helpful Hint of the Day #1: Don't ever let me hold any important pieces of paper)... but anyway, when I think of maps I think of smudged, torn, crumpled pieces of paper. The maps the freshers are holding might not be in that state - it's difficult to tell as you are walking past as quickly as possible hoping, wishing, praying no-one asks you directions - but that's what I see in my mind's eye.

Where was I? Oh yes, freshers... they also all look like they just fell out of the best/worst dressed pages of Heat (ankle boots are not everyones friend) as Surrey Uni has a higher than normal count of females. And of those females it has a higher than normal count of females that look like they could be extras in Hollyoaks. Every guy on my course managed to 'trade up' quite considerably due to this interesting ratio. Helpful Hint of the Day #2: Dudes, if you want to get laid by a Chantelle-a-like then head on down to the University of Surrey campus - where the girls are skinny, blonde and probably not all that bright! (Why this line isn't included in the University brochure I have no idea).

I can, for the most part, float through the campus without all these shrieking, happy, overly coiffed 18-year-olds causing me too much grief or reawkening too many body issues but I fear they will be inflitrating all the places where the coffee is and possibly impeding my attempts to buy the coffee from the coffee places. It is only then that I start to really freak out and curse them all to hell.

Elsewhere I have noticed that there seems to be more and more sweater vests appearing on the hip young man-things of late. I guess the sweater vest does offer the best for this sort of weather; humid yet with rain threatening to hit any second. It makes me feel like I'm walking around a John Hughes movie set. Now I just have to find someone that looks and acts exactly like Jon Cryer and I'll be pretty much set for life.

I do as I'm told

I am under instruction from the ever lovely Xine to complete this bad boy...

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Ms Sarah Jayne Mulholland

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Sarah Jayne (when I'm in trouble with me mum)
Sazz
Lady

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE:
Lady Sazz
Sazzamatazz
I was what Willis was talkin' 'bout

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
Sassiness
The ability to make people laugh (more often 'at' than 'with' but it still counts)
My wardrobe (or more specifically, the clothes there in)

THREE THINGS YOU HATE/DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
My very English teeth
My procrastination skills
The fact that I overthink EVERY LITTLE THING

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
English
Irish
Foolish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
Oompa Loompas
Ghosts (or just that feeling when you're the last person up at night and you get this weird sense like there's someone watching you. This may or may not be ghosts. Everyone gets that feeling right? Shit. I've got a ghost stalker)
Pigeons

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
Laptop access
Sleep
Teabags

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
Lou Reed t-shirt
Bottle green jumper
Denim skirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
The White Stripes
The Pixies
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
Writing a sitcom
Finishing a degree
Stalking Zach Braff

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A LOVE RELATIONSHIP:
Someone that laughs at my jokes
Someone I can be honest with
Someone who is Zach Braff

TWO LIES AND A TRUTH.. GUESS THE LIES:
I enjoy puns
I can tap dance
In 1987, I released an album that charted briefly

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX:
Twinkly eyes
Totally supercute smile
Someone who's either a little chubby or a bit of a skinny beanpole

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
Cut onions in a satisfactory way
Touch dead things or anything that has touched a dead thing
Sit in a room full of Jim Davidson fans. Or sit in a room full of Jim Davidson for that matter (I'm not sure what that means either)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
Reading
Being sassy
Making things pretty/making pretty things (eithor/or)

WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
Sleep. It's only 20 past midnight on a Friday. The older I get the more rock and roll I get.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
Sitcom writer
Forensic psychologist
International spy

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Mexico
Budapest
Montreal

THREE KID'S NAMES:
Nina
Ella
Rufus

THREE TRUE LOVES:
Gael Garcia Bernal
Zach Braff
Stewart Lee

THREE FAVORITE ANIMALS:
Dogs
Guinnea Pigs
Penguins

THREE REASONS WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS:
I have literally nothing better to do with my time
I started it yesterday and by gum, I'm going to finish this if it's the last thing I do
It's a good way to pass the time while I wait for my load of laundry to finish

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ:
Nic
The General
You

That's how I roll

I've had the Sanford and Son theme song in my head for near on 43 hours now. All thanks to this.

I don't think I've helped the situation by making it my new ringtone.

Because I know this has been bothering a lot of you for quite a while now here is a list of reasons why I could never become Quincy:
- I get squeamish at the words 'seeping' and 'moist' (even typing them out and then re-reading that makes me feel physically sick).
- I can't touch dead things (this includes daddy-long-legs and moths that have perished on my hallway carpet).
- Living on a boat would mean I would be sick approximately seven times a day (even though his boat was anchored in a harbour just looking at a boat makes me queasy).
- If people didn't believe my theories for that particular week... I mean, for a particular 'case'... then I would have to bring up the fact that I was right EVERY OTHER SINGLE TIME BEFORE. Why didn't Quince ever mention that: 'Look, I know it's a bit out there to suggest X/Y/Z but seriously, dudes, have I ever been wrong about this shit? Let's stop playing silly buggers here just accept that whatever I say is fact and let me get back to banging whatever hot mamma I've currently got on the go'. I'm sure that's all it would have taken.

It's a fairly short list but unfortunately it was comprehensive enough to stop me from pursuing my childhood ambitions. I think, if we are being sensible, then mostly it's the second bullet point that is the biggest hindrance to becoming a pathologist/medical examiner.

Luckily I have found my new calling in life: Finding a well-paid job that involves having to play Sing Star all day. You might suggest living life on the road and making money from Karaoke competitions ala 'Duets' (yes, of course I saw that movie. It had Huey Lewis in it) but I can't actually 'sing' per se, I just seem to be quite good at keeping in time and in pitch (which is all that counts in Sing Star). Hmm, this might require some more thought.

Ah

I think my next door neighbour has seen me naked. I saw him out of the kitchen window and he smiled the 'I've seen your boobs' smile.

Which geek are you?

Which geek are you?

Seriously? I'd like to think of myself as the chic geek but I have a feeling I'm more hobby geek as I get ridiculously excited about things that I'm passionate about. Although I'm a bit fickle so never obsessed by the same thing for long... Chic geek it is then.

I'm on IMDB. Just worked in the costume department on those two movies when I was 14 and 16 respectively and then decided never to work in the film industry again. Once you've worked alongside Elizabeth Berkely (of Saved By The Bell 'fame') then there's really nothing else left to achieve.

I learnt last night that I'm fairly adept at this 'rock' dancing that all the kids seem to be into these days. However, I could only keep it up for about 10 minutes at a time before my pure indie magma blood started to boil and my neck hurts this morning. Indie clubs are much more civilised affairs, if I ever wake up with mysterious aches or pains or bruises (no, that's not the name of an experimental dance troupe) then it's only self-inflicted in as much as I've had one too many shandies and managed inadvertantly fall over (that often happens whilst sober too)/bump into a lampost (that often happens whilst sober too)/worn the wrong shoes(that often hapens whilst sober too) but not because my dancing moves were constructed to leave me crippled the day after (the robot rarely causes harm to one's self nor those around one).

Thanks to a story Chloe's friend Matt told yesterday I now have the title of my eighth studio album: 'I Looked Out My Window Today and Saw An Old Woman In The Garden'. A little wordy perhaps but try telling me it's not catchy (you can't can you? My science is too tight).

A pocket full of post-its

Things I will miss now I'm back to The Ford:

TV: It's my car, my rules. That means no kissing the driver.

Me: We should have implemented that rule on our road trip.

Charlotte: But then we wouldn't have had nearly as much fun.

Ahh faux-lesbian humour, you really can't be beat (although on reflection we might be getting a step nearer to establishing why her boyfriend hates my guts. I also left town with a pocket full of post-its thanks to that lil lady. She knows her to treat a girl that one.

Me: Guess what I got from Brighton?

Brother: Syphallis?

That kind of wacky banter is what makes my brother the legend he is.

Kes: Do you think Prince has a big cock?

Me: I really don't know

Kes: Well find out and report back. I'm curious.

Oh Farr. Her philosophical queries keep me entertained no end.

How you know a Sazz has moved into your house:

• Ikea rugs mysteriously turn up in places where there had been no Ikea rugs there before
• Sabrina the Teenage Witch magnets are used to decorate your fridge
• You have someone who lives in their own world to sneak up on and scare the living crap out of

Being back at university was cool. I sat in the second row for both my lectures today as I didn't want to appear *too* geeky. Not on the first day.

Uni Crush Count (thus far): 2 (liable to increase exponentially as the term goes on)
- A guy who came up to me and mistook me for someone else. When asked 'Are you Sally?' I wish I had said 'I can be' rather than just saying 'No'
- One of my lecturers. I don't get him (as it were) till the second semester. He dresses like Jeremy Clarkson. I think it might be love this time.

I'm very upset about Steve Irwin. The man was awesome and very very weird. At least he died doing what he loved and getting stabbed through the heart by a stringray is probably one of the coolest deaths on record.