I think I should be allowed to be on vacation permanently. Only because when I do come home from a lovely holiday - no matter where it is and no matter how long I've been gone for I end up feeling wretched with life and myself and the world and all things contained within. Perhaps going to that party three hours after having got home from five mildly debauched days spent in Amsterdam - all stinky and tired and emotional - wasn't the best idea to lift my spirits for the coming weekend, as in - it worked in the short term but ultimately ensured that my body and being were properly fucked instead of just slightly mangled.
This meant, come Saturday afternoon, that I needed cheering up. What better way to do ths than buy more stuff? However, a half-assed wander round the shopping centre did not help (I know. Shocking). I was all crochety and nowhere had anything sufficiently nice for me to consider except a yellow spotted 60s shift dress in Topshop that I tried on and decided did nothing for me except giving my breasts a very attractive 'unnaturally flattened' appearence. Thank fuck for that cos the next day I saw Jade Goody had worn the very same dress to the Wireless festival in Hyde Park. That bitch also sported my scratchy green H&M jumper in the 'What Were They Thinking?' section of Heat magazine a few months ago so I can never wear that again (actually, I might have to thank her for that - it was truly fugly and uncomfortable. I was drawn to it for the £7.99 price tag). While I'm on the subject please tell me who - WHO - wants to smell like J-A-D-E G-O-O-D-Y? It's probably THE singularly most baffling item to be put on sale in my lifetime (I'm even including pogs in that equation - N.B. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE POINT OF POGS WERE). Having said all that I do admit I have brought 'Curious' by Britney but she's a full on white trash princess who recorded two of the greatest pop songs ever written ('One More Time...' and 'Toxic' as you're asking). I can understand why people would think that was a bit tacky and wrong but thats the point as far as I'm concerned. I love tacky things. For instance, my mum has a new face mug. This is where you GET YOUR OWN FACE put on a MUG. Then you can drink your hot beverage AND LOOK AT YOUR OWN FACE without need of a mirror. I've warned her that if I don't get a face mug (and face cake for that matter) for my birthday then there will be deaths and she will be responsible. I even have a pink plastic rosary hung round my rear view mirror (which Jesus keeps falling off - I don't think that's a good sign). Point is - even someone that coverts Face Mugs and plastic Rosary beads and Britney endorsed products even THIS PERSON knows where the line should be drawn. And that line just stops short of Jade Goody perfume. Basically, if something is too tacky for my tastes then its too tacky full stop.
To get back to the original point... because I could find nothing worth my money on Saturday I was forced - FORCED - to purchase a Nintendo DS Lite on Sunday. This has actually kept me going today - my first day back at *shudder* work. I watched with increasing glee as the emails popped into my inbox 'From: PLAY' Subject: ' Your order has been posted', once, twice, three times... all the games I'd ordered. Obviously this put a bit of a downer on the afternoon as there wasn't really that much point of me recieving the games if I didnt have anything to PLAY THEM ON. 'They're all fucking idiots at Play', I raged 'They MUST have seen I ordered all these things at the same time and they are going to the same house WHY ARE THEY PLAYING SUCH A CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT ON ME BY SENDING ONLY THE GAMES? WHY DO THEY WANT ME TO CRY? THOSE FUCKING.... oh email four from Play. Never mind then.' What was sad was I was kind of annoyed that they had managed to send that last email just as I was working mysefl up into a proper frenzy. You should never underestimate the value of a good, unadulterated, hormonal raging session.
No comments:
Post a Comment