Who moved my cheese?

I think when you enter a bar and theres NO OTHER PEOPLE in there, except for two bar staff the correct choice is to turn around and walk out again. Unless you are me and Farr, and find yourself heavily laden with middle-class white person guilt every single moment of your fucking life. WOULDNT WANT TO OFFEND ANYONE NOW WOULD WE? Ever. Of course slagging people off BEHIND their backs? Yes, thats fine. Make fun to your hearts content. For instance, if you see someone that appears to have modelled their entire persona on Anthony Costa from the 'sadly' now defunct boy band Blue and his girlfriend that seems to be a Chantelle/Jenny-Frost-from-Atomic-Kitten hybrid then by all means carry on. In fact, I'm sure it would actually be rude to NOT mercilessly mock these people (not so they can hear you of course). I can't imagine why else they would make themselves look the way they do unless they actively enjoy people laughing at them. Let me put it this way: Anyone guy that wears a white dress shirt half tucked in to his tight *shudder* jeans with the top 5 buttons left undone and any girl who sports silver ballet shoes (or 'pumps' for the fashion conscious among you) is not the sort of person that expects to be taken seriously. I hope.

Where was I. Oh yes, you've just entered the pub where fun goes to die. You approach the bar with a somewhat hesitant smile for the surly and senseofhumourless barmaid and get your pal a refreshing pint of slightly warm lager and a diet cola for yourself who - for the evening at least - is known as 'Des' the designated driver (despite your overwhelming urge to down half a bottle of gin and sing Neil Diamond songs at the top of your voice just to show the bar staff that your life is more interesting than a small glass of diet coke would suggest it is). Once these drinks have been procured why not settle yourself down into a corner booth and start doing the NME crossword. If, by some fluke you get all but four answers correct you WILL start to cry. So close and yet so far. By this point, the conversation will have likely moved on to the fake band you are going to create a fake buzz about (by writing on any available space on the backs of toilet doors, graffiti-ing ratty looking flyers, and, erm.. thats it). No matter what scenarios are played out with the direction this fake band could take somehow the plan always ends with us being on Top of The Pops. Is that show even still on? If it's not, they'll probably do a special episode just to showcase the hottest band in the world today (or tomorrow which it will be by then) you know, the band everyone is talking about - The Suadettes. They do Neil Diamond covers and all wear differently coloured wigs that are in a Velma-from-Scooby-Doo style. I hear there was a buzz about them before they even played their first gig. Witness the power of hype.

When you watch the same episode of Veronica Mars for the 14th time you start to notice important little details that the 13 previous viewings may not have yielded. Like the fact that her guidance counsellors nipples are really visible under that sweater.

This made me laugh from Popbitch:

>> Who moved my cheese? <<
Teasing Richard Madeley leads to dismissal
Honk writes:
"My mate got sacked from the Cheese Hamlet
shop in Didsbury for muttering 'I'm watching
you mate' to Richard Madeley when he was
browsing the cheese selection."

Of all the people in the world that would be supportive of making inappropriate remarks to inappropriate people at inappropriate times you would have thought Richard Madeley would be leading some sort of revolution in that arena. Thats basically how he earns his keep. How can a poor Cheese Shop Worker from Didsbury be vilified for something that Richard himself does everyday from the hours of 5pm to 6pm Monday to Friday? Maybe thats what it was. The Cheese Shop Worker (lets call him Greg) didn't have the common decency to stick to the carefully laid out guidelines Richard has written on being an arse to people (namely, stick to the Monday-Friday, 5-6pm hours or you are OUT of the club). Still, poor Greg. Even I didnt read section 7 paragraph 3 of the guidelines that carefully.