A frightening vision of the future

Do you know what the best thing about my job is? No, neither do I. Wait.. hold on.. I had it there for a second.. no sorry, that was just indigestion. Easy mistake to make.

ba-da-boom-tish

But seriously folks.

I done a IQ test today. It said I was 95 (which translates as 'a bit think innit'). Apparently I am below average on maths and logic (no real surprise there) but GENIUS on verbal intelligence. It's funny but despite the fact that I delude myself into thinking I am extremely witty and urbane and charming, you know - the sort of person that has a delightful way with words, I can't help but deep-down-know that anyone who has ever met me ever would not believe I could be genius level at anything.

Even more so when you consider I am related to my mother (surprisingly) who rang me today for a classic Mama-and-Sazz conversation:

Mum: What adverts have I seen that I like?

Me: Erm.. hello

Mum: Quickly!

Me: ...

Mum: Come on!

Me: Well if you don't know I'm not sure how I will. Anyway, with Sky plus we don't really see adverts anymore, just whizz through them

[With the accompanying cry of '30! 30! 30!' (the speed at which the fast-forwarding is fastest) from whomever else is in the room at the same time. Of course thats not annoying. Especially when its done on every single commercial break. No really, it is delightful and charming]

Mum: Oh yeah.

Me: I liked the latest 118 ad with the A-Team theme and mini-Mr T

Mum: I havent seen that one

Me: ...

Mum: ...

Me: Why do you want to know what your favourite advert of the moment is anyway?

Mum: [Ignoring me] What is that tv show with Dennis Waterman and Amanda Redman called?

Me: Don't do the voice

Mum: What the 'feem toon' voice. Ha.

Me: It makes you seem like Judy from Richard and Judy fame. She is a legend, I'll grant you that, but probably not for any of the reasons you would want to be a legend.

Mum: Such as..

Me: Well, both of them are bumbling idiots really. They always say the wrong thing at the worng time and try to be 'funny' and 'cute' but come off as 'weird' and 'uncomfortable'. That's why people watch the show, not because they actually like them.

Mum: I don't watch it

Me: Thats not really the point is it?

Mum: What is the point then?

Me: I really don't know anymore.

Mum: Oh yeah, New Tricks. Anyway I've got to go to a meeting. Slaters.

*click*

*sound of someone quietly weeping that this is actually their future*