However, it all begs the question 'What now?'
Quite.
What now indeed.
Thus far I have been eating and sleeping and watching TV, the sort of TV that rots your soul and leaves you thinking that if this is the pinnacle of human civilisation after years and years of evolution then we are all basically fucked.
Having said that, oh my god, Quantum Leap is seriously awesome.
I've also been spending an inordinate amount of time dwelling on all the flaws I happen to carry around with me, falling in love with Zach Galafianakis in that borderline-psychotic way I do, and having dreams where I go on secret missions to save the fate of the world but end up getting distracted halfway through and making out with whoever happens to be my co-star that particular night (I don't think we have to dig too deep into my subconscious to unroot the particular genesis of those particular flights of fancy). That's it. That and thinking about writing, going to my laptop to write things, opening up Word and looking at a blank page, closing Word, opening up My Downloads folder, rolling a joint, watching Six Feet Under instead (In the name of My Super Sweet Sixteenth, how much more awesome are shows like Six Feet Under when you're stoned? I so totally get the character's motivations and, like, dude, he totally wants her to think that he thinks that when in actuality he thinks this but he isn't consciously aware of that fact and yet she is! Yeah, it all get's pretty deep round my way let me tells ya's).
Yet somehow, and God knows how, doing all this isn't really that fulfilling. I know right? Who woulda thought it?
I sort of feel stuck at the moment. I had this thing (i.e. my degree) that I was working towards and I DID do work, for the last four years, and it all paid off and I got good marks and I sort of have a vague idea with what I'm doing next (for the coming year at least) and yet, here we are. I was expecting to feel more like a proper grown up but I don't feel like a grown up. I was expecting to feel a sense of relief but I don't feel all that relieved. I was thinking that I'd probably feel kind of sad when it was all over but I don't really feel sad. I just don't feel anything. I keep waiting for something to happen, for a bolt of lightning to shoot down from the heavens above bringing with it a handy instruction manual for what I'm supposed to do and feel now. But it doesn't. So really, seriously, honestly, what now?
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