Dude, seriously?

Let me get this straight. This new film 'Flushed Away'... am I right in thinking that it's about a couple of be suited smooth-as-ice RATS that through some quirky twist of fate find themselves FLUSHED AWAY down a toilet? I saw about 47 seconds of a trailer about two weeks ago. It's only just hit me now: this is the plot of children's film? Seriously?

However it's not freaking me out as much as this:

Two things:

1. PENGUINS DONT TAP DANCE (unless they are possessed by the Devil one presumes).

2. IT HAS THE COLD DEAD EYES OF A KILLER.

So these are my main gripes this week. I like to focus on the important issues.

Although even they pale in comparison to last night when some man, some swarthy dude, came up to me just as I had entered a cocktail bar and started stroking my hair saying how lovely it was in a very suspect accent. 'Don't worry I'm a haairdresser' he said. Yet, for some strange reason this did nothing to allay my fears. When random strangers come up and start stroking MY FUCKING HAIR whether they are purported hairdressers or not it still somehow I DON'T KNOW WHY but somehow still FREAKS ME THE FUCK OUT. Although that evening I did get three glasses of wine bought for me and I didn't even have to put out. Awesome.

So yeah, it's like December now innit? Jesus. (LOL literally lololololroflaolotflas). For some reason this has been making me a touch grouchy. In many ways I love December; it means I have a semblance of a social life. In other ways, having to be sociable and pretend I care about other people - it's tiring innit? Taylor likes to play my punk card when she knows I'm grumpy. I was told that prodding me was 'like poking a bear'. How often do you think it is advised that you poke bears? It's not. Because doing that makes the bear angry doesn’t it? And yet she persists. Playing 'Mistletoe and [fucking] Wine' in my ear. It's one of her fucking ringtones. Christ. (LOL LITERALLY LOLOLLOL)

I tell you what else; this egg nog business is bothering me. What is it? WHAT IS IN EGG NOG? Does anyone know? I associate it with American 'Christmas special' episodes of sitcoms. That's all I know about it - sitcom characters drink it at Christmas time, always and without fail. That and I'm pretty sure it's beige in colour. I am always, always suspicious of anything beige. Like, it's something that's just trying that little bit too hard to blend in to its surroundings you know? Like the SAS and camouflage. Sort of. Anyway, housemate Emma is threatening to make it for our house Christmas party. I have this overwhelming fear that I'm going to be forced to try it out of politeness and it'll have the consistency and taste of slightly warmed, slightly alcoholic, phlegm. I feel sick just thinking about it.