Top 5's from 2006

Top 5 Lessons Learned in 2006

• 5. If you're going to do 'sit down dancing' don't let it be filmed...: ... because you look like a twat at the best of times anyway.
• 4. Confrontation isn't as scary as my middle-class British upbringing would have me believe: So I'm sorry to the guys I dated this year who thought I'd be a pushover. That was just sooo 2005 dahlinks.
• 3. Not everyone analyses their own (and others) behaviour as closely as you do: So don't be surprised when people you know repeat the same mistakes again and again and aren't even aware they are doing it. You might consider it 'common sense' but not everyone has a therapist-in-training as one of their best mates.
• 2. Rejection isn't that bad: As long as you have learned to like yourself first. Simple hey? Although drunken, tearful 'seduction' attempts are probably never going to win anyone over in the first place if we're all honest.
• 1. How to be happy: Cos I actually think I am, for the first time in like... ever. However, it turns out that everything Ive done to become comfortable and content with myself have nothing to do with the bullshit lectures we did on 'positive psychology and well-being'. Funny that.

Top 5 Adverts

• 5. Gillette Fusion Gift Set: Quite obviously this guy he's buying a razor set for is his 'sugar daddy' and not his father which, when you realise this, gives the whole thing an even deeper level of creepiness than it already had.
• 4. Clearblue Pregnancy Test: Is this an advert for a pregnancy test or the next Star Trek series? It's difficult to tell.
• 3. Old El Paso Dinner Kits: "Yeah I'd thought I'd get Neil [lets call him Neil] to cook tonight"
  "What's he making? If it's fucking 'authentic' Mexican again I'm seriously going to kill myself"
  "Umm..."
• 2. Harpic 2 in 1: 'What does your loo say about you?' I hope and pray to little baby Jesus that it says FUCK ALL as its a T-O-I-L-E-T.
• 1. Virgin Credit Card: I keep rewinding the bit where 'Harold' is doing a shimmy. I have never loved the expression on someones face more than I love Harold's at that moment.

Top 5 Comedy Heroes

• 5. Simon Amstell: My love for him on Popworld is surely well known by now and I think he's carried on his fabulousness with his Buzzcocks presenting (and he has great hair).
• 4. Larry David: For obvious reasons.
• 3. Steve Carell: His portrayal of 'Michael Scott' in the American version of The Office is the funniest character on TV at the moment. There's also loads of clips on youtube of his 'Daily Show' days which proves he's always had mad comedy skillz yo.
• 2. Armando Iannucci: You want satire? You got satire. Time Trumpet was a triumph and having 'borrowed' Carlos's Armando Iannucci Show DVD I've been reminded a thousand times over of his genius.
• 1. David Cross: He writes! He acts! He blows other stand-ups out of the water! (not literally) He can turn even the most mundane character, script or situation into comedy gold (please see: 'She's the Man')! Just having him in the world improves my life by approx 76%.

Top 5 Mixtape Tricks

• 5. Include a couple TV theme songs in places: The laugh of recognition from people around you to the accompaniment of the opening bars of 'The Golden Girls' theme tune is one of the nicest sounds in the world.
• 4. Dot two or three TV/movie quotes throughout the tape: The 'and then...' clip from Dude Where's My Car ("I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games") will never stop being funny just as the 'Ezekiel 25-17' passage in Pulp Fiction will never stop being supercool
• 3. Keep in mind your purpose: A road trip comp will probably not be enhanced by the 10 minute version of Yes's 'Heart Of The Sunrise'. An 'I love you snookums' comp will probably not be enhanced by the works of Mötley Crüe (unless your loved one tastes swing that way in which case let it rip)
• 2. Keep in mind your audience: Like the bit at the end of High Fidelity where Rob is all 'I'm making a tape, for Laura, full of stuff she likes. I think I finally get how that's done'. But, you know, don't go overboard on that philosophy otherwise they could have just made it themselves.
• 1. Don't be fearful of including so-called 'Guilty Pleasures': Because there is nothing to feel guilty about when it comes to Huey Lewis or The Captain and Tennille. Everyone E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E secretly loves shit like that, it's just some people are more afraid to admit it.