Why I Am Rubbish:
1. I can't cut onions. Literally, it's not that they make me cry or anything sappy it's just that I physically cannot cut them up in a satisfactory way (even though I've been cookin' like a pro since the age of 12).
2. I have weird sneezes that sound like a cat (although some people seem to find this endering).
3. I have to make a thousand to-do lists everyday because I forget stuff so easily.
4. I lose contact with friends as regularly as some people have showers.
5. I am clumsy to the point of incompetance and embarrass myself on a daily basis.
Why I Rock:
1. I can talk to anyone and find common ground. For instance, a random man in a random pub in Cardiff who happened to randomly comment that Sister Act 2 was his favourite film. Who else but me would wholeheartedly concur that it is brilliant?
2. I have a rotation of 'shower songs'. Today's song is 'Shout' by Lulu.
3. I fall in love at least two times a day for reasons such as 'he had customised his shoes with felt lovehearts'
4. Babies stare at my face constantly and consistantly wherever I go. I'm not entirely sure that it's a good thing (and it kind of freaks me out) but I do enjoy being this century's version of the Pied Piper (not the 'Lovin' it lovin' it lovin' it' DJ Pied Piper. The fairytale Pied Piper).
5. I have a life B-Plan in case this one falls through for whatever reason (e.g. I become embroiled in a Russian spy plot or something). It involes me changing my name to Doris Kapowlski and moving to Chicago to be a sassy diner waitress.
I think this is conclusive proof that the universe naturally balances itself to make sure I (and everyone else) never tip the scales of rubbishness and rockingness too far in either direction. Otherwise there would be chaos and anarchy, and who wants that? Except for anarchists.
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